If you are looking for a good giggle you can share with your family, then check out this collection curated by the Wantate review team.
Harry S. Truman: “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.”
Rick Riordan: “Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we're related for better or for worse and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum.”
Johnny Depp: “If someone were to harm my family or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”
Francis Bacon: “Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.”
George Burns: “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring family in another city.”
Rodney Dangerfield: “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
Marge Kennedy: “Soup is a lot like a family. Each ingredient enhances the others; each batch has its own characteristics, and it needs time to simmer to reach full flavor.”
Penelope Lombard: “My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
George Carlin: “The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”
Phyllis Diller: “Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
Jerry Seinfeld: “Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for.”
Erma Bombeck: “In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.”
Sam Levenson: “The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”
W.C. Fields: “All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.”
Cary Grant: “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
Jerry Seinfeld: “Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
Emo Philips: “When I was 10, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was 12, I found them.”
Funny Family Guy Quotes
Peter Griffin: “Remember how you wanted that new wedding engagement ring? Well, I got a horse.”
Stewie Griffin: “I say, Mother, this hotdog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn't cut itself.”
Chris Griffin: “My dad is smarter than your dad.” Meg Griffin: “We have the same dad, idiot.” Chris: Yeah, but mine's smarter.”
Lois Griffin: “What's going on down here?” Stewie: “We're playing house.” Lois: “But that boy's all tied up!” Stewie: “Roman Polanski's house.”
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