Funny quotes to make you smile now

Put a smile on your face with this funny collection of quotes curated by the Wantate review team.

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller

“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” – Phyllis Diller

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Prince Philip

“Life is a sexually transmitted disease.” – R. D. Laing

“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” – Redd Foxx

“The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.” – Reinhard Bonnke

“If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would’ve moved out or demanded that your roommate get professional help.” – Richard D. Wolff

“When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis

“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.” – Rita Mae Brown

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.” – Rita Rudner

“If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.” – Rob Cordry

“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.” – Robert Benchley

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” – Robert Bloch

“All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.” – Robert Breault

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” – Robert Frost

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.” – Robert Fulghum

“Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” – Rodney Dangerfield

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